Love Does Not Demand Its Own Way
I Corinthians 13:5 and 1 Samuel 25: 36 – 38
LL. Somebody took the time to talk with a bunch of kids about their ideas concerning "love," & here are some of their comments:
Greg, 8-years-old, “Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.”
Mae, age 9, “No one is sure why love happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume & deodorants are so popular.”
Roger, age 9, “Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.”
Leo, age 7, “If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.”
Bobby, age 8, “Love will find you, even if you’re trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me!”
Kenny, age 7, "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble."
Ava, age 8, "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
Manuel, age 8, "I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be painful." (Adapted from Sermon Central)
For the past few weeks we have been looking at 1 Corinthians 13, where the apostle Paul has been telling us a number of things about love. It is long?suffering & kind. It is not jealous, boastful, arrogant or rude.
Today we're going to look at the next two things that Paul has to say about love ? about "agape" love ? the kind of love that causes us to reach out to help other people, without expecting anything in return.
Most of what passes for love in the world today is "eros" love ? the kind of love that is self?centered. In other words, "eros" love is concerned first & foremost about self ? about what I need, what I want, what appeals to me, what is attractive to me.
When "eros" love feels unappreciated, it sulks. When it feels unrecognized or unrewarded, it quits. When it is spurned, it often turns bitter, because "eros" love is a self?centered & selfish love concerned above all with that which will make itself happy.
But God wants us to realize that there is a whole greater dimension to life than selfishness. There is "agape" love ? divine love - & Jesus is God's visible demonstration of that kind of love.
In 1 Corinthians 13 Paul is telling us that kind of love can be ours, too. We can rise above the pettiness that so often marks our lives, & begin to exhibit an "agape" love that brings joy, real joy, into our lives.
ILL. Let me read to you what some kids have said about "love."
“Love is when someone hurts you, & you get so mad, but you don’t yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.”
“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas time if you stop opening presents & just listen.”
“Love is like a little old woman & a little old man who are still friends even after they have known each other for a long time.”
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot, because people forget." (Adapted from Sermon Central)
I. LOVE DOES NOT DEMAND ITS OWN WAY
In the KJV in 1 Corinthians 13:5 Paul says, "Love... does not seek its own." The NIV puts it this way, "Love...is not self-seeking." Other translations say, "Love... does not demand its own way," or "Love... does not insist upon its rights."
When you get right down to it, there are two attitudes ? two basic types of people in this world. There are those who are continually concerned about their rights, & those who are thinking of their duties.
There are those who insist upon their privileges, & those who remember their responsibilities. There are those who are always thinking of what life owes them, & those who never forget what they owe to life.
I believe Paul is simply saying that the key to solving most of our relationship problems would be for men & women to focus less on their rights & more on their responsibilities.
ILL. There is a tombstone in a small English village that reads,
Here lies a miser who lived for himself,
And cared for nothing but gathering wealth.
Now where he is, or how he fares,
Nobody knows & nobody cares.
In contrast to that, a tombstone at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London reads, "Sacred to the memory of General Charles George Gordon, who at all times & everywhere gave his strength to the weak, his sub-stance to the poor, his sympathy to the suffering, & his heart to God.
That is the difference between the self-centeredness of 'eros' love, & the selflessness of "agape" love.
II. LOVE IS NOT EASILY ANGERED
Next, in the KJV Paul says, "Love... is not provoked." Other translations put it this way, "Love... is not easily angered," or "Love... never flies into a temper," or "Love...is not irritable."
Notice that Paul doesn't say, "Love never becomes angry." If we never became angry we would be spineless jellyfish - people who never stood up for anything. But love, Paul is saying, has a long fuse. It doesn't explode instantly. It gives time to work things out & overcome obstacles & solve problems.
But there are times when love does demand anger. So perhaps before we can really understand the remedy that God's Word offers for anger, we need to understand the problem.
A. Anger is a strong emotion of displeasure. When anger is present it produces energy in abundance. It can even push us to do things that tend to hurt or destroy.
1. Do you realize the physical changes that occur in your body when you get angry? Sugar pours into the system, creating energy. Your heart beats faster & your blood pressure increases. Your blood clots much more quickly than normal. Additional adrenalin is released.
Your muscles tense up - in fact, the muscles at the outlet of the stomach squeeze down so tightly that nothing can leave your stomach while you are angry. The digestive tract can become so spastic that severe abdominal pains are felt during or after the time you are angry.
People have had strokes during a fit of anger because of the increased blood pressure. And the tension can cause the arteries of the heart to squeeze down hard enough to produce a fatal heart attack.
ILL. Look at the result of anger in the life of Nabal. We are told about it in the 25th chapter of 1 Samuel. Nabal was a very wealthy Israelite with many flocks in the days when David & his men were living in the hills near him.
It was a dangerous time for the people of Israel. Their enemies often sent in raiding parties to plunder & destroy. David & his men became the champions of the Israelites, again & again protecting Nabal & his neighbors from enemy raiders.
One day, David's men needed food & they asked Nabal for some help, but Nabal cursed them & sent them away empty?handed. When David heard how his messengers had been treated, he gathered his men & set out to punish Nabal.
When Abigail, Nabal's wife, heard what her husband had done, she gathered together a large quantity of food, went out & met David & his men, & soothed their anger by her gift of food.
1 Samuel 25:36-38 tells what happened next. “When Abigail went to Nabal, he was in the house holding a banquet like that of a king. He was in high spirits & very drunk. So she told him nothing until daybreak.
"Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, & his heart failed him & he became like a stone. About ten days later, the Lord struck Nabal & he died.”
Did you notice the words, "his heart failed him & he became like a stone?" Those words in the Hebrew language describe a stroke or a heart attack. Can you imagine Nabal's anger when his wife told him what she had done? Intense anger can bring about a terrible physical reaction!
2. Anger can also cause you to lose your joy. Whenever anger is allowed to go on & on, angry people always lose their joy. Joy is one of the beautiful qualities of love. In fact, it is second only to love.
When Paul speaks of the fruits of the Spirit, he puts joy right up there at the head of the list - "love, joy, peace..."
It is important for us as Christians to be filled with that fruit of the Spirit - joy in our lives - a joy that comes from a contentment & peace deep within us, & not from the circumstances of life that surround us.
I have never met a happy angry person. They're mad at the world. They're constantly finding fault with others & the way they do things. They're suspicious & bitter, sharp-tongued, & vindictive. Why? Because they're angry inside. And because they're angry they have lost their joy. Is it any wonder that Paul urges, "Love... is not easily angered?"
3. Anger can also push you into doing things you otherwise would not do.
ILL. Anger caused the first murder in the Bible. Cain became angry at his brother Abel & killed him.
Anger so consumed King Saul that he tried again & again to kill David, even though David never lifted his hand against King Saul.
B. But it is important for us to realize that love does not forbid anger. Paul says, "Love... is not easily angered," but he doesn't say that love never becomes angry.
1. Jesus experienced anger - & for very good reasons.
ILL. Jesus healed a man with a shriveled hand. When the Pharisees condemned Him for healing on the Sabbath, we are told in Mark 3:5 that Jesus "looked around at them in anger &, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts..."
Jesus was angry when He cleansed the Temple of the money-changers, insisting that His Father's house must not be made a den of thieves.
Jesus felt free to be angry & to let it show & to express it clearly.
2. There are things that need to make us angry.
As Christians there is work for us to do - there is evil to be overcome - there is a message to be proclaimed, & we must speak out so that the world might know that Jesus is Lord .
When we look at the world & see the starving multitudes - when we see the hurt & the pain & the lost condition of the world - then we must become angry at Satan for all the sin & evil that is here.
Jesus had every reason to be angry when He came to earth. He saw through all the riches & power & glory & boasting with which mankind sought to cover its anger & hatred & sin. Yet He loved us.
He knew what mankind was going to do to Him. He knew about the cross, the curses, the mockery, & the tomb. But still He loved us.
ILL. Newspaper columnist George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. "I not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me."
Crane suggested an ingenious plan: "Go home & act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, & generous as possible.
"Spare no efforts to please him. Make him believe you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love & that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will really hurt him."
With revenge in her eyes, she smiled & exclaimed, "Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!" And she did it with enthusiasm. Acting "as if" for two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing.
When she didn’t return to his office, Crane called her. "Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?" "Divorce?" she exclaimed. "Never! I've discovered I really do love him."
INVITATION: Once love guides our actions, anger disappears, & joy begins to fill our hearts. It changes our life, & brings us a peace that the world can't begin to offer.
If that is what you're looking for this evening, then Jesus invites you to come.