The Influence of a Father
Scripture: 1 Samuel 12:16-25

One father had a three-year-old daughter who was having trouble sleeping through the night. She’d often wake up several times in the night because she was afraid. Each time as he re-tucked her into bed, he would remind her that Jesus was with her and he would keep her safe.

Several nights in a row, she did this over and over again.

Finally, one night, the dad asked her if she had prayed to Jesus to take her fear away and help her fall asleep.  "Oh, yes," she assured him. "I prayed to Jesus… and He told me to come and get you!"

Or, there is another story about a little girl who was frightened by a fierce thunderstorm. She cried out in fear and her father rushed to her bedside. As he held her in his arms, he explained that she didn’t need to fear. God would take care of her because He loved her greatly.  "I know God will take care of me and love me," she replied. "But right now, Daddy, I want someone with skin on."

Each of those kids was afraid.  And each of them sought comfort from their fathers.

In our lives, there are many times when we’re afraid.
1. We’re afraid because we’re in trouble.
2. Afraid because we’re being threatened.
3. Afraid because we’re about to lose something we care about.

And sometimes we become afraid because we know we’ve done something wrong and we’re pretty sure we’re going to be punished for it. It’s at time like that when we most need a “father” figure to step into our lives and help us. Protect us. Because intuitively, everyone understands that the father of a family should protect us when we’re afraid.

In our story today we find that the people of Israel have become afraid.

They’ve sinned against God.

They sinned because - without asking for God’s permission or approval - they decided to reject Samuel as their leader and they demanded a King just like all the other nations had.

They’d rejected Samuel as their leader.  But even more, they’d rejected God.

So Samuel rebukes the people and at Samuel’s request God sends a powerful storm filled with thunder, lightning and rain.
The people heard Samuel’s words of rebuke.  And they saw the God’s power to punish.  And they begged Samuel to pray for them.

1 Samuel 12:19 tells us “The people all said to Samuel, ‘Pray to the LORD your God for your servants so that we will not die, for we have added to all our other sins the evil of asking for a king.’”

And, in the midst of their fear Samuel reassures them that he WILL pray for them. And not only does he vow to pray for them but he does several things that day that a Father would do for his children.

Actually, Samuel had always been a father figure to Israel.

One of the basic responsibilities for a loving father is to be the disciplinarian.

Hebrews 12:9 tells us “…we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it.”

Samuel was a judge for Israel.

He had to set the standards for God’s people and sometimes his judgments concerned things the people didn’t want to hear. For example, when Samuel went to Bethlehem to anoint David the next king of Israel 1 Samuel 16:4 says that: “When he arrived at Bethlehem, the elders of the town trembled when they met him. They asked, "Do you come in peace?"

Just like a child that’s done something wrong just before Dad comes home, the elders at Bethlehem were afraid that Samuel knew something they’d done wrong and had come to punish them.

Good loving fathers set the standard of right and wrong in their homes and they are willing to be the “bad guys” if they need to be because the future of their children can depend upon their decisions – not just for this life, but also for eternity.

A study was done about 10 years ago– and it found that conservative Christian parents whose parenting style could be described as “authoritarian” raised some of the most well-adjusted kids.

A researcher named Wilcox examined data from the National Survey of Families and Households discovered that the homes of conservative religious parents were “characterized both by strict discipline and an unusually warm and expressive style of parent-child interaction.”

He found that most conservative religious parents were “authoritative,” which he described as having “consistent and firm discipline as well as high levels of warmth and parental responsiveness.”

In other words: the dads in these homes set a firm pattern for what was/was not acceptable, and they were more involved in their children’s lives.

He was the firm, authoritarian “father” figure that Israel needed.

He was willing to look the children of God in the eye and tell them exactly what they needed to hear.

Several years back Dr. James Dobson reported the findings of a study done with school children. A group of educators decided to remove the chain-like fences from around the school playgrounds. They believed the fences promoted feelings of confinement and restraint. The curious thing they noticed, however, that as soon as the fences were removed, the children huddled in the center of the playground to play.

Conclusion: Children need boundaries.

A good father makes sure his kids know where the fences are. And that’s just what Samuel did. In fact, his last recorded words to Israel were these:

“… be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away." 1 Samuel 2:24-25

Samuel’s was saying to Israel: know where the fences are!

A good dad needs to be a disciplinarian.

He needs to be firm and consistent.

He needs to draw the lines in the sand and be willing to punish children for crossing those lines.

But now, there IS a danger for dads who practice this approach.  In being a firm disciplinarian it’s possible for them to forget to love their children.  Fathers can become harsh and even insulting in how they treat their kids.

Ephesians 6:4 warns: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

And Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."

There are dads in this world who see it as their goal in life to hold their children under their thumb. But God would prefer that we hold our children under our hearts.

Samuel understood this, so he tells the Israelites:

“For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own.” 1 Samuel 12:22

Samuel was telling Israel:
• God loves you
• He doesn’t want to reject you
• In fact, you bring Him pleasure.
That’s the kind of love a good father reflects to his children.
They say to their children:
• I love you.
• I don’t want to lose you or reject you.
• In fact, you bring me pleasure.

Being a good father goes beyond what we SAY.  It strikes at the very heart of what we do.

If you don’t walk the walk, your kids won’t listen to you when you try to talk the talk.

That’s part of the reason Samuel challenged Israel to find fault in how he’d behaved. In 1 Samuel 12:3 he said:
“…Whose ox have I taken? Whose donkey have I taken? Whom have I cheated? Whom have I oppressed? From whose hand have I accepted a bribe to make me shut my eyes? If I have done any of these, I will make it right.”

He was like the parent who says to his kids “I’ve got blind spots. I can make mistakes. Point them out to me so that I can ask your forgiveness and so I can make it right.” Samuel was illustrating the value of being transparent with your kids.

Initially, the part of this passage that caught my attention is found in verse 23.  Samuel tells Israel: “As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right.” I Samuel 12:23

A good father is a spiritual leader in his household.

Proverbs declares “Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.
I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching.” Proverbs 4:1-2

The Bible presumes that fathers will instruct their kids.  That they will teach their children
• While they are seated at the dinner table.
• While they walked down the road.
• While they laid them down to bed
• And when they got up in the morning.

God expects us to pray for our kids (grandkids/ nephews/ nieces).  He expects us to teach them the way that is good and right.
As dads we may not get it completely right, but that’s ok. The idea is to try.

Bill Cosby noted “If new fathers feel bewildered and even defeated, let them take comfort from the fact that whatever they do in any fathering situation has a 50% chance of being right.”
A father who understands the value of his role in his children’s life may make mistakes, but both his kids and his God note the importance of his effort.
Our kids will know when we pray for them. They’ll know when we are walking with God.

But there is something even more significant that can happen when we take our spiritual role as parents seriously. Our relationship with God NOW has an effect on our children even long after we die. One person referred to it as a kind of “umbrella effect.”

In the 10 commandments God declared that he would punish “… the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,
(but show)…love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments." Exodus 20:5-6

God was declaring that if we live our lives “against” God… if we decide we’re going to do what we want, when we want and we really want no part of God in control of our destiny, that decision will have long ranging effects on our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

BUT, if that same person were to change their hearts – if they were to decide “I don’t want to live like that any longer. I want to live to please God and honor Him – God will short circuit the process. Instead of punishing the children to the 3rd and 4th generation, God will bless 1000s of generations of those who love Him.
It’s an umbrella effect.

That reminds me of a story I came across to illustrate this point.
One morning, a seminary professors family was eating breakfast in a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished-looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, “I hope he doesn’t come over here.” But sure enough, the man did come over to their table.'

“Howdy! Where are you folks from?” he asked in a friendly voice. “Oklahoma,” they answered. “Well, great to have you here in Tennessee,” the stranger said. “What do you do for a living?” “I teach at a seminary,” he replied. “Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I’ve got a really good story for you.” And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple. The professor groaned and thought to himself, “Great, just what I need—another preacher story!”

The man started, “See that mountain over there?” (pointing out a restaurant window). “Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question. ‘Hey boy, who’s your daddy?’ He would hide at recess and lunchtime from other students. He would avoid going into stores because that question hurt him so much.

When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, ‘Who’s your daddy?’ But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast, he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd. Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about the boy, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, ‘son, who’s your daddy?’

“The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, ‘Who’s your daddy?’

“The new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to the scared little boy. ‘Wait a minute!’ he said. ‘I know who you are. I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God.’

“With that, he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, ‘Boy, you’ve got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.’
“With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, ‘Who’s your Daddy?’ he’d just tell them, ‘I’m a child of God.’ ”

The distinguished gentlemen got up from the table and said, “Isn’t this a great story?” The professor responded that it really was a great story! As the man turned to leave, he said, “You know, if that new preacher hadn’t told me that I was one of God’s children, I probably would never have amounted to anything!” And he walked away. The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over and asked her, “Do you know that man who just left that was sitting at our table?”
The waitress grinned and said, “Of course. Everybody here knows him. That’s Ben Hooper. He’s the former governor of Tennessee!”

If you live your life for Jesus your children receive a spiritual blessing that will last long after you die.
In the Old Testament we read the story of Solomon. He was wisest man who ever lived… but he made the mistake of loving his wives more than he loved God. He began to worship the gods of the women he loved (I Kings 11). So God pays him a visit and explains that because of his disobedience his kingdom was going to be torn away from him. But then God says:
“Nevertheless, FOR THE SAKE OF DAVID your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son.” 1 Kings 11:12

But he wasn’t going to tear the entire kingdom away from Solomon’s son:
“Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe FOR THE SAKE OF DAVID my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen." 1 Kings 11:13
In other words: even though David had sinned with Bathsheba, he had repented and became a man after God’s own heart. And because David sought powerfully to please God, his spirituality acted as an umbrella – shielding both Solomon and Rehoboam from the worst consequences of their bad decisions.

God wants to bless your children because of your choices. He wants you to be able to give a spiritual inheritance to your children that will last long after you’ve died.
And God places a heavy emphasis on the importance of fathers in scripture because He is one.